Index

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[ The bells ring again, like they're calling my name. The sound comes down from the baroque lips of the Dom Tower. It gets into the canals and resurrects through the streets. Everything is empty. The snow keeps falling. Then this black cat meows, passes trackless through the snow and out of sight around the corner. The lonely tower ceases ringing. ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Follow the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Don't follow the cat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The black cat meows again, passes by to vanish around the corner.] (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Follow the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 1.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Don't follow the cat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[He rolls over, showing his belly, biting my fingers and licking my knuckles. A bike rings its bell as it passes. The cat runs off. The rider is wearing a bright yellow raincoat. She smiles back as she turns into an alleyway. ](t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Follow the bicycle.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The handles don't budge. Its red paint is wet and dripping in the snow. The cat claws at my leg. I step back and fall. The dark fades. //The sunlight's in my eyes. Maryanne is laughing, standing on the front porch and painting the door. "Are you bleeding?" she says. "It's okay if you are. We can use a little more red for the door.""I'm alright," I say."That cat is out to get you.""Maybe he just doesn't like the colour you chose.""What's wrong with red?""It's a bit aggressive, no?""Passion, romance, poppies. They aren't violent, aren't they?""I suppose not.""Everybody wants some love in their life."// I squint and all of it is gone in an instant. The dark returns with snowfall. The cat is somewhere meowing down the street. ](t8n-delay: 6.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Lay a while.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I follow the jingle of its collar. The sound enfolds the flowers sprouting through the cobblestones. Strong little flowers of blue, red and yellow. The cat meows. It is sitting on the corner of a rooftop, staring at the stoic silhouetted tower in the distance. ] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Turn the corner.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The buildings keep rising 'til they merge with the sky. I could lay here forever, even when the sun comes back with people. A bike rings its bell as it passes. The cat runs off. The rider is wearing a bright yellow raincoat. She smiles back as she turns into an alleyway. ] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Follow the bicycle.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[Frost is in my lungs, but I don't feel it. Sleeplessness is good for that. Your bones get hollow and heavy like the stones of an empty fountain. When you get enough insomnia you get a kind of numbness that's euphoric. The cat's eyes beam through the dark—its body black amongst black. He is scratching at the big red door of a church, collar jingling. ](t8n-delay: 3.25s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Try the doors.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.75s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Pet the black cat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I trace the tracks but the rider is gone. I walk the rest of the street, lonelier than before. Then there's this big white building with bright red shutters. It is both threatening and inviting. ](t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down")[ [ [[Go towards the building.]]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[All the shutters are shuttered but one. This one has a candle burning beside a folded yellow raincoat. The snow is getting in. ](t8n-delay: 1.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Call up to the window.]]] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Watch the candle.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I call muted through the snow. The candle flickers. A woman comes to the window. She is vague, staring—at me and through me into nothingness. She isn't who I thought she was. ] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Call to her again.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[Snow falls threateningly towards the wick, invisibly evaporating in the soft dark heat. The flame flickers occasionally and a woman is there, looking down. Then there's the smell of too-much perfume and I feel the primal pull of gravity from somebody behind me. It's the other woman. I know her voice. //"Is this your house?" she says.// ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Turn around.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Don't turn around.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Run away down the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[She turns away. Then there's a man beside her. Faceless, muscular, cruel. He wraps himself around her. The woman kisses his arms, puts out the candle. The snow goes blue on the window seal. Then there's the smell of too-much perfume and I feel the primal pull of gravity from somebody behind me. It's the other woman. I know her voice. //"Is this your house?" she says.// ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Turn around.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Don't turn around.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Run away down the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[There is nobody there. Only empty bicycles propped in rows and veiled in snow. The cat jingles its collar. I turn around. The door of the building is open. ](t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter the building.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk the rest of the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The chill comes in and I shut my eyes. I cover my ears 'til her scent is gone. I can't breathe. What was I doing? I can't breathe. I've got to move on. The cat shakes its collar in the distance. ] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go search for the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk the rest of the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[Running is slow for insomniacs. I can't breathe. It's reckless, like driving on narcotics. Everything's sedated. My muscles are off, but I'm going nonetheless. I've got to. The way gets narrower, buildings lean close, as though to beat me unconscious. Is that so bad? I can't think like that. I can't breathe. ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Keep running.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk the rest of the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The way passage ascends and twists onto a balcony. I go up. The snow is coming down with stars on the railings. Down there is a garden, blooming with small flowers. The cat meows. It jingles up the stairs to the second level. ](t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go upstairs.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go downstairs.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Leave.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The snow lays down like sheet music in the cobblestone notes. Everything is silent again. I walk the street like a man down a river. I don't remember how I got here, but I'm here and it is beautiful. That's the thing they leave out when they tell you about insomnia—how freeing it is when you're stripped of control of your body. How you get between places is the last thing you worry about. You just get there. The tower rings around the corner as I turn, singing its ceaseless, hopeful //Dom// into the wide, endless avenues. Did she come here for him? ] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk towards the tower.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[Cold gets in like poison. Frost comes out. Cold gets in like poison. Frost comes out. Cold gets in. I don't remember how I got here, but I'm here and it is painful. That's the thing they leave out when they tell you about insomnia—how horribile it is when you're stripped of control of your body. You don't want to think about how you got between places. You just did. It doesn't matter either way. The tower mourns around the corner as I turn, groaning its ceaseless "Dom" into the wide, endless avenues. Did she come here for him? ] (t8n-delay: 6.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk towards the tower.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The cat is scratching at a thin red door. ](t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Turn the handle.]]] (t8n-delay: 1.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go downstairs.]]] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Leave.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I go down into the garden. There is a fountain drained of water in its centre. The moon is in the flowers—forget-me-nots, daffodils and poppies. A phone is ringing somewhere. ](t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Smell the flowers.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Look for the phone.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go back upstairs.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I close the door and everything is dark and blue and drenched in snow again. All my memories are in my throat. They get through my hands and legs and down into my stomach. The numbness of my sleeplessness is absent for a moment. Its brutal and I want to stay here. Why am I here? Where am I? ](t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk the rest of the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//I open the door. She is clothed in our bedsheets. The white sun is coming through the white drapes. I lay down beside her. She kisses my arms, picks up the cat. They watch each other for a while.She asks me what I'm staring at."I love you," I tell her.// The cat meows. The sun is gone. The room is empty and full of snow. Smoke is wisping from the wick in the window. A chill gets in. ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go to the window.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Leave.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The Dom is in the window, too. It peaks over the steeple of the church. Then there's a whistle. //Maryanne is on the roof, laughing at me. "Are you coming, then?" she says.// ](t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Climb up.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Leave.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//I get up on the roof with her. The sunset's all over us. We hold hands and stagger on the warm, slanted tiles and sit.She pulls out a packet of smokes and some cheap wine. We smoke, drinking and kissing 'til the sun is gone.// The bells of the tower are tolling again. It is ringing through the apartment room. The window is closed now. The door is open. ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Leave.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go downstairs.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I close my eyes and breathe in. The scent is barely there. But it is sweet, damp, narcotic. It gets through my chest as I inhale. I open my eyes again. //"Pretend I'm not here"// is spelt out in by flower arrangement. ] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Look for the phone.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go back upstairs.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The phone is nowhere. ] (t8n-delay: .5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Smell the flowers.]]] (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go back upstairs.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I ascend and ascend but end up in the garden again. The cat meows again. It is poking its head between the slats up there. The phone rings louder. The flowers are more colourful. There is water in the fountain. ] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Look for the phone again.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Drink the water.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Try to go upstairs again.]]] (if: (visited: "Smell the flowers."))[ (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Breathe in the flowers.]] ] ]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[Sweet. Damp. Narcotic. The flowers have re-arranged themselves: //"I'll pretend too."// ] (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Look for the phone again.]]] (t8n-delay: 1.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Drink the water.]]] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Try to go upstairs again.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I drink from the faucet. It is cold, pure, reawakening. I feel it in the marrow of my bones. All I can do is keep going. I understand why she came here. ] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Look for the phone again.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Try to go upstairs again.]]] (if: (visited: "Smell the flowers."))[ (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Breathe in the flowers.]] ] ]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I go up again, carefully with eyes wide and watching the cat. There is no use. I return again. I can't get out. The phone is ringing and ringing and ringing. The fountain overflows. Water is rising to my ankles. Flowers are everywhere now—everything saying the same thing. ] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Drink water.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Find the damned phone.]]] (if: (visited: "Smell the flowers."))[ (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[See what the flowers have to say.]] ] ]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The damned phone is nowhere. ] (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Drink the water.]]] (t8n-delay: 1.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Try to go upstairs again.]]] (if: (visited: "Smell the flowers."))[ (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Breathe in the flowers.]] ] ]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The water burns. ] (t8n-delay: .5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Find the damned phone.]]] (if: (visited: "Smell the flowers."))[ (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[See what the flowers have to say.]] ] ]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//"You have to let me go"// (click-replace: "go") [let you go] //The rains are heavy on the porch. Her bell is ringing through the torrent, coming up the driveway. She is soaked through her yellow raincoat. Her makeup is smeared and she is smiling. It's in her eyes and cheeks and teeth.She's laughing about something that happened on the way home. Her basket's full of flowers—blues, reds and yellows, coming through the door. She hands them to me.// The water from the fountain keeps on rising. It's at my waist now. Any further, I'll be floating. The phone keeps ringing—distant and distorted. ](t8n-delay: 4.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Drink water.]]] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Find the damned phone.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The phone is in my pocket. I take it out. It keeps on ringing. ](t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Answer.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//I don't know the voice, and then I do. It tells me Maryanne's gone.It tells me she's sorry. It tells me she moved to Utrecht after everything went down. I never asked how it happened. I never wanted to know. But deep down I knew.I say thanks, and hang up.// Everything is dark and blue and drenched in snow again. All my memories are in my throat. They get through my hands and legs and down into my stomach. The numbness of my sleeplessness is absent for a moment. Its brutal and I want to stay here. Why am I here? Where am I? I'm on the street again. Back in front of the building. ](t8n-delay: 5.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Walk the rest of the street.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The cat is batting its tail from the snowdraped branch of a maple. The tree is pushing through the centre of this intersection. The other road keeps going, crossing the canal to the base of the tower. A bicycle rings. The woman in yellow goes past, tires tracking through the powdered snow, passing over to the shadow of the tower. She is gone but her bell keeps ringing, down into the waters and up again to mingle with the call of the tower. ](t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Pet the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Cross over.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The cat is batting its tail from the snowdraped branch of a maple. The tree is pushing through the centre of this intersection. The road keeps going, crossing the canal to the base of the tower. A bicycle rings. The woman in yellow goes past, tires tracking through the powdered snow, passing over to the shadow of the tower. She is gone but her bell keeps ringing, down into the waters and up again to mingle with the call of the tower. ](t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Pet the cat.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Cross over.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I reach for the cat but its tail evades me. Then there's that scent again. The too-much perfume of the other woman. I turn around and she is there, standing in my doorway. //She asks me again, "Is this your house?"I tell her it is. The sun is going down. The cat is sleeping on the porch rail.She says she's sorry to bother me. I tell her it's okay. She doesn't want to look me in the eyes. But hers are pretty. They are red, but big and sincere. She pets the cat."What's its name?"I tell her his name."He's pretty," she says."He is. Can I help you with anything?"She looks at me. "Maybe," she says. "Is your wife home?"// The cat is gone from its branch. It's walking on the ledge of the bridge. ] (t8n-delay: 6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Cross over.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The Dom bleeds its good and awful hum upon me. The snow across the ground here's dark. Black as the cat, walking ahead between the arch of tower and through its half-cracked, red-painted door. ] (t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 2.75s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.8s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 3.9s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.8s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 4.9s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.8s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.9s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.8s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 6.9s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.3s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]] (t8n-delay: 7.6s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Enter.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The bells are relentless. They ring through the tower's hollow neck, reverberating through my spine. The blue, red and yellow stained-glass windows drench the vaulted ceiling in light. The stairs ahead are snaking upwards through the stone. And then there is that smell again. That too-much perfume. I look around, but I am all alone. All that is back there is the way I came. ] (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[I need to move on.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The bells get louder and louder. I go up and up. The ascent takes forever and no time at all. Insomnia will do that to you—it skews your sense of time. It's a lot like losing someone. Sometimes you can feel it coming, but It comes either way. Then its like you're neither here nor there, but in some third place you don't have a name for. Every invisible thing comes at you all at once and constantly. It gets into your bloodstream, heats up your brain and cools down your limbs. It is real and it isn't. You exist and you don't. You're not asleep, or awake. The cat is waiting for me when I get to the top, unbothered by the bells. ] (t8n-delay: 5.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go through.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[I go in. //It is quiet. I am waiting in the dark by the window, listening to Maryanne pull up in someone else's car. I can hear her voice beneath the engine. Then the car drives off. She puts her key in the door. I get in bed and pretend to sleep again.She comes in, undresses with the lights off.She lays down beside me, kisses my arms.// The bells are swinging side to side in the centre of the room—enormous and bronze, flaked with green patina. A draft is coming in through an open doorway. The yellow raincoat hangs from the frame. ] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go through the door.]]] (t8n-delay: 5.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Pick up the yellow raincoat.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The bells are unbearable. They rattle through my skull. I run my fingers down the jacket-lining. It reeks of smokes and wine. //She's packing the car. It is raining out. Her raincoat is on. "Of course I love you," she says. "But" (click-replace: "But") [But we aren't who we were before] (click-replace: "before") [before we met. We were kids, and] (click-replace: ", and") [, and we didn't know anything] (click-replace: "anything") [anything about ourselves or the lives we wanted.] (click-replace: "wanted.") [wanted. It isn't your fault.] (click-replace: "your fault.") [your fault. But you have to let me go.]// ] (t8n-delay:12.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Go through the door.]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The snow is coming down in tangents on the balcony. It is black out still. Then there's that too-much perfume. //There are no bells here. Just me and the cat and the other woman. "Is your wife home?" she asks again."No," I tell her. She has sad, beautiful brown hair."Her name is Maryanne?""It is, do you know her?""She's been sleeping with my husband."// The Dom comes back. Maryanne is here, sitting on a ledge, looking over the city. She is drinking from the bottle and smoking. //She smiles when she sees me, holds out the bottle.// ] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["Okay."]]] (t8n-delay: 5.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["You're not really here."]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[She hands me the wine. Puts a smoke in my mouth and lights it. Its as sweet and as bitter as I remember. The canals are stretching through the snow. Everything is small and grey. I look at Maryanne and want to smile with her. She is staring at my lips. "Pretend I'm still here," she says. "Pretend I'm not gone. I'll pretend too. Stay here with me." ] (t8n-delay: 3.5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Kiss her.]]] (t8n-delay: 4s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["I can't do this anymore."]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The sun is coming up. The snow is coming down and vanishing before it touches anything. //The sunset is all over–She pulls out a packet of smokes–I tell her I am sorry–We smoke them, drinking from the bottle and kissing–"Is your wife home?"–It goes through my limbs, aching and numb and sleepless–The stars are out, hanging in different arrangements–I hang up–Maryanne is out somewhere again–The cat is sleeping–The sun is going down–"Are you sure you've got to go?"// //The sun is coming up. I can taste her breath. She is smiling. The snow is coming down.// ] (t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["Was it ever not pretend?"]]]

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//"I just wanted to make you happy. Why couldn't we be happy?"She looks back across the skyline—as sad as I remember. "I had to leave to find my happiness. You have to leave me here to find yours.""Why couldn't we stay here?""I loved you too much for that."// ] //(t8n-delay: 2s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["Are you sure you've got to go?"]]] //

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[//"I will always be here," she says. "Always somewhere in your mind. But you know I have to go."// ] //(t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["Are you sure you've got to go?"]]] //

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[The sun is coming up. The snow is coming down and vanishing before it touches earth. I pull her face towards me. "Just tell me you're sorry," I say."You know I can't do that. You know that won't fix it.""It will.""You need to forgive yourself.""I don't know how."She points my face towards the sunrise. "Just be where you are." The buildings are bursting in the bronzing sky. The snow flecks golden in the breeze. A bell jingles. A bell stops. A bell jingles. A bell stops. ] //(t8n-delay: 5s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [["I'm sorry."]]] //

(char-style: via (t8n-delay:pos*10)+(t8n:'dissolve'))[End. ] (t8n-delay: 1s) + (t8n: "fade-down") [ [[Play again.]]]